We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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