My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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