i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
