we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
