'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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