well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I forget how to act sober
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