The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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