Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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