high people should be assigned attendants
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm both gender and math confused
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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