Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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