nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
