i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
