I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
