Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
