this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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