I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
