I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
