Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
