so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
