Already got asked if we're dating
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
