my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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