he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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