I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
