i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
