It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
