i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
