Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
