Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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