do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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