I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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