I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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