Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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