That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
