I need help removing her.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
