Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
