I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
