I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
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Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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