i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
