My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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