i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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