my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
