I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
