In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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