I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
