i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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