Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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