Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
