party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
