If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
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Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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