I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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