i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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