My friends, they love my intelligence
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Im part way to drunk.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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