Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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