she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
