Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just come out here and I will go home with you...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
