So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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