There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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