i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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