I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
