girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
tell me about the fingering
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