He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
