he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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