hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
