Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
